Computers in Heaven?

Jon, I miss you. I don't know if you can read this. I'm not quite sure how technology works on the "other side". It's been a year and a half and theres not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I could use you lately. I need a 'brotherly' figure. Someone with a truly un-biased opinion on many diferent things going on in my life. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, so I guess this is only fair play, but while we're having this heart to heart, let me get some things off my chest that I've been holding in for a while.

I was pissed as hell that you let Phil take you away from me when I was just a child. Our parents were going through a divorce and rather than being by the side of your little sister who would sit in her room covering her ears while mom & dad were screaming in the next room, you were out getting high as shit.
I can't even describe what I was when I came to see you at your apartment and I found you surrounded in a pool of blood.
I was scared as hell when I came to see you in jail. I don't think you realize how much it took for me to come see you like that, not to mention I was the ONLY one from the family that came to see you. Everytime I came to see you, I left there in tears. Don't believe me? Ask Bryan. He was with me everytime. Hell, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been able to make it through your funeral, but I'm sure you saw that from wherever you were.

Watching your downward spiral the past few years/months of your life were extremely painful. I think I was the only one who honestly believed that you would turn your life around and become the famous musician you were meant to be. I really don't know why I believed it though, because we all saw what happened everytime an opportunity to get back on track was presented to you. Call it hopelessly dreaming, or maybe call it ignorance. I thought that maybe, just maybe if I was a good enough little sister and gave you all the support you could possibly need you would see that someone HONESTLY believed in you and somehow it would spark something in that fucked up brain of yours that "hey, I don't need these drugs or this liquor to complete my life. I have someone that looks up to me!" That being said, I'm sorry I wasn't everything you needed. I'm sorry I let you down and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most.

Even though it's only 20 degrees outside, I still sit outside at night and stare up at the sky and wonder which direction you're looking down on me from.